I am, have always been, and will likely always be, the sort of person who “wears his heart on his sleeve,” as the old expression goes. In other words, my emotions are never far from the surface. My wife tells me that I am a man of deep feeling, and I cannot argue.
This, as you might imagine, has its advantages and disadvantages ‒ most of which I will not explore here. But with respect to the workplace, someone like me has to be mindful of his emotional character, and not let it impede interactions with co-workers or, more importantly, with clients.
As you might have seen with some of the other recent blog entries, most of our clients have recently gone through “open enrollment,” meaning the annual event in which all of their employees must choose their benefits for the upcoming year. This is a very high-stress time for us here in the Communications Practice of Trion ‒ and this was my first one. It was a good time to test my adaptation skills.
So for open enrollment and other situations, it’s important that I be able to control my emotions. Of course, it isn’t always easy, so I’m constantly looking for tactics and tips that can help me out. Recently I came upon an article from Psychology Today that has some excellent advice for when your emotions are in danger of escaping your control and wreaking havoc about the office and your co-worker relationships.
1. Select the Situation. If there’s a circumstance that always, without fail, causes your heart to beat fast and your ears to turn red (a sure sign that I’m about to blow), try your best to control for that situation. For me, it’s when clients wait until the last minute to get their changes on a piece back to us, then expect us to drop everything and get those changes done yesterday.
While sometimes this is unavoidable, there are things you can do to reduce the chances of it occurring ‒ one good way is the “drop-dead email.” Draft a note in the friendliest tone possible, explaining that if we don’t have the edits by such-and-such date, we risk not being able to fulfill our timeline, because of this-and-that reason. Now, this will not always work, and perhaps not even most of the time. But it does help to know that you’ve done everything possible to avoid that situation.
2. Modify the Situation. Perhaps there’s a deliverable that you haven’t mastered yet. And trying to master it for the upcoming deadline is making you nuts. Well, maybe this isn’t the time to try and master it. Instead, try switching with a co-worker for something you do well, and hand off this one impossible task. Or, perhaps it’s as simple as asking for help ‒ being afraid to ask can add to stress in a big way.
3. Shift Your Attentional Focus. There’s one thing that’s getting under your skin. You can’t get it off your mind, and if you see it or hear it one more time, you’re going to flip your lid. Well, that’s your fault. You’re in control of yourself, remember ‒ you’re the master of your domain. You choose what to pay attention to, what to let in, and what to refuse to acknowledge. Go ahead, refuse to acknowledge that one thing that bothers you so much. Take a walk instead. Play a quick game of Pokemon. Put on your headphones and listen to the new album you just got.
4. Change Your Thoughts. I’m going to quote the article here, because it’s right on: “At the core of our deepest emotions are the beliefs that drive them. You feel sad when you believe to have lost something, anger when you decide that an important goal is thwarted, and happy anticipation when you believe something good is coming your way. By changing your thoughts, you may not be able to change the situation, but you can at least change the way you believe the situation is affecting you.” Absolutely. You control your thoughts, and you control your beliefs. Take charge of them.
5. Change Your Response. If you can’t do any of the above, harness your willpower and change how you respond to any given situation. If you’ve got to shout or explode, find a quiet room. If you can’t help it, type out that nasty email ‒ but don’t hit send. Just let it sit there until later, and maybe just reading it back to yourself will help you feel better.